evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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