He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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