My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
