Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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