sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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