yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
false alarm. still invincible.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
