Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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