He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
