I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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