i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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