when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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