Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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