Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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