Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
