Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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