Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
