Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
