Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
