yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
