New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize