she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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