can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
