You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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