You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
