is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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