My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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