I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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