i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I understand Curling. That high.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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