Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
