So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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