Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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