i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My balls are so social today.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
