she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
