Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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