C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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