Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
