Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize