I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
