apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
