I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
