Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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