My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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