I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
