Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
