I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
