i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So vagazzling was a success
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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