The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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