He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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