It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
