maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
