moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
