I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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