Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His nipple licking is glorious
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