I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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