I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
