Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
