dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you never un-have a 4some
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
