When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
