Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Found your dick twin last night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
