the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
